Photo Essay Part Three: A Figure of a Mother

The first time I rummaged through the mysterious box left to me by my grandmother, which contained Will’s letters and paraphernalia, I was living in Ypsilanti. My friend and I were bored late at night, and the box had just been sitting there collecting dust for a few weeks. We never expected anything interesting, but were soon surprised at the relationships implied by the content therein – especially with women, and in particular, his mother. Part of the mystery is that this mother figure calls herself his “adopted” mother. Furthermore, it seems their relationship was rather imperfect. And by imperfect I mean to say that this was one needy and entitled lady (if the letters you see here are any indication.)

One letter you’ve seen already, and that’s dated 1915, at which time Will would have been married with at least one small child. One of the below is a valentine without an envelope, and since the card says “for a dear little daughter,” I can only guess this wasn’t a valentine for Will. Was it a valentine for his sister? I’d say no, because if Will had siblings, they probably weren’t little. It’s almost as if the valentine was used as note paper. Perhaps she couldn’t find any, and it seems that she was ill. She certainly describes herself as being “crippled up” and having limited mobility. Before that though, she makes clear her beef with her neglectful children:

“Dear Children, Sure have looked for a letter, but none (space but no punctuation and the thought ends) Guess you have forgot I exist….”

Perhaps Will and his siblings did ignore her. If she didn’t have a phone, and that is a possibility since not everyone had phones until well after WWII, a letter would have been the only way to really keep in touch from a distance. Apparently they never wrote her, or didn’t write her enough. Maybe it was around Valentine’s Day and she was expecting something. I know my mom always sent me a valentine long after I was an adult, and I called her often. I wrote letters to my grandmother too after she moved to California and become mostly bedridden. It was tough to find time, though. Writing letters isn’t like texting. It’s a real commitment. Postage costs money too. Was Mother being unreasonable? Or did Will and the others really abandon her? And if they cut themselves off from her, why?

The text of the letter below, unaddressed, heightens the stakes of this somehow maybe troubled relationship. It’s not addressed, just labeled “Will-“ on the envelope, so was it dropped off? Placed in his hands by a third party? Why not send it through the mail? Perhaps she wasn’t even given his address, or perhaps he was living with her:

“Dearest Will, It completely breaks me all up, after having you with us six months – and having such faith in you, doing everything in my strength & power, as far as kindness & money can do. That you should might regain your health & strength – and the last week you …are with us, to shake my faith in you, by trying to deceive me, (merly (sic) over a girl) when the truth would have answered much better. Don’t think me angry with you for I’m not, but it makes my heart ache, for that is the way the ones I loved most have served me, and my faith is completely gone. Don’t be angry with me Will, for if you knew how it made me feel you would pity me instead. Please don’t carry the contents of this note any further & burn in the fireplace when read. Good night. Mother.”

What the hell. What did Will lie about that has Mother in such a tizzy? What illness kept Will with this woman for six months? Why did he feel the need to lie in regards to this girl? What does money have to do with anything? And why did Will keep this of all letters for so long when it expressly asks him to destroy it?

I (along with my buddy who read this stuff with me that night) can draw numerous conclusions, none of which are based on anything but conjecture arising from mere conventional knowledge. I don’t think Will was sick with flu or respiratory issues alone. I think he was depressed – which can lead to physical weakness and poor health. It’s the kind of illness that relatives “have faith” that you can get over.

Money is always a part of this equation – maybe he saw expensive doctors. Or maybe the depression made him unable to pay his own bills. Either way, it’s interesting that she mentions it. There’s definitely something going on with this family in terms of making children beholden to the money spent on them. Maybe it’s a class distinction. I just know my upper middle class parents never shoved the money they spent on me in my face. (And it was a lot.)

I think Mother is jealous of this girl. I think Will knew she would be, and that’s why he lied. I think Will was still living with her when he got this letter. Perhaps she slid it under a door. She says “good night,” so she knew the time he received it, and she knew there was a fireplace in which to burn it. I think Will wasn’t speaking to Mother at this point. I think she’s manipulative and needy, and that their relationship was unhealthy.

An earlier letter (from 1914) also mentions Will’s health, and blames these issues on his work, which he seems to be in the process of changing. I don’t know for sure if this is the veterinary work, or if the emphasis on slaughter has to do with his illness, but this letters confirms that depression is probably the issue. She spends quite a few lines on having shed tears of joy at having Will visit – makes a little narrative of it even. For an “adopted” mother, she seems extremely emotional over him. My mom was a sensitive woman – definitely shared her emotions. But in a healthy way. A muted, German way. This woman I’m guessing was not German.

If the “Ann” mentioned as refusing to come over for holidays, is a sibling, it might makes sense. The letter is sent in January, following Christmas, and there’s some lament over their not being there:

“…but you know the disappointment of your not being here, & that letter from her, just broke me all up. I am just beginning to feel a little better – more like myself, but for a whole month I wasn’t much account to anyone. I was all broke up over a few things you know. What did your father say when you got home and going to college again? You know I’m so interested in you that I don’t hesitate to ask such questions. You may think me curious, but not so, only as I know him (thru?) you. Now my dear, do write whenever you can, for your letters are a great comfort to me. I know you will be busy & have other interests, but don’t forget the one who helped to make it possible for some of your happiness. With much love & the best of wishes for your success in life, I sincerely am your mother adopted. Mae.”

It sounds to me as though this woman also suffered from depression – that these disappointments she mentions, which “break her up,” plunge her into deep illness. In some ways, depression does fragment you, rend you to pieces, so it makes sense. The question about the father is curious. I didn’t find any letters from Will’s dad. My guess is that relationship was strained at best.

Again, Mother dangles the guilt noose. Even his happiness was all thanks to her! As if happiness is not a choice for most people. If anything, I think this relationship might have been somewhat toxic to Will. I know nothing of his actual biological mother – whether she was alive or dead. I want to guess deceased, based on the presence of the adopted “Mae.” Which would make a strained relationship with the father all the more reason for Will to be permanently affected as a man later on.

Perhaps in some of these random photos, like the ones above, we see Mae. Or Ann. Or Will’s deceased mother or other relative. Very few men, except the one above, who looks young. Is it Will's father at a young age? Will himself? Handsome dude anyway. I can see an obsessed mother figure. Lovers were an issue too...as you'll see in further posts. 

Curious. Curious indeed.